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Tanked Episode 311 for Tues Jan 13, 2015



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Woman gets DUI on Vanilla extract

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MACEDON, N.Y., Jan. 13 (UPI) -- Police in upstate New York said a woman accused of driving while intoxicated had been drinking vanilla extract that was 41 percent alcohol.

Investigators said Carolyn Kesel, 46, was seen driving erratically in the parking lot of the Macedon Walmart store and she told officers she was having trouble finding her way home.

Police conducted a breath test and determined Kesel had a blood alcohol content of .26 percent, more than three times the legal limit.

Kesel admitted to officers she had been drinking vanilla extract, which has an alcohol content comparable to vodka or gin, prior to the Nov. 5 incident.

Kesel, who has a previous conviction for driving while intoxicated, was charged with felony counts of DWI and aggravated DWI.

Chris Thomas, a drug counselor with the Wayne County Mental Health Department, said it is not uncommon for adolescents with substance abuse issues to drink food extracts.

"Both kids and adults use it. It smells like a vanilla drink (vanilla Coke, or Pepsi) and no one would know the difference," Thomas told the Times of Wayne County.

He said a person drinking vanilla extract might be trying to mask the smell of booze in case they get stopped by the police.                       



Intel’s Compute Stick


Amid all of the shit that's come out of the 2015 International CES, the quiet announcement of Intel's diminutive Compute Stick comes as something of a surprise. It has tablet hardware and plugs into an HDMI port, offering a PC experience in a tiny space. The Compute Stick comes in two flavors: an $89 Linux version, and the $149 model that's running Windows 8.1 with Bing.


It's very light and not too much bigger than a Google Chromecast. The Stick plugs into a display by way of its HDMI 1.4a port, which will handle streaming duties. Bluetooth 4.0 connectivity lets you pair peripherals like a mouse and keyboard, while 802.11b/g/n Wi-Fi gets you onto the Web. The Compute Stick can't draw power from its HDMI port, so you'll need to plug in a Micro-USB cable to keep it powered up. That Micro-USB slot sits on the left side, flanked by a full-size USB port and a power button.


Inside the Stick you'll find a quad-core Atom Z3735F processor, a Bay Trail CPU typically found in Intel-powered Android tablets. The Windows 8.1 version offers 32GB of storage and 2GB of RAM -- if you need more room, I was told that the microSD card slot on the right side can support cards of up to 128GB. The Linux version has 1GB of RAM, and 16GB of storage.


Intel will be selling the Compute Stick directly, and it's not really intended to replace your laptop or tablet. That said, it's an undeniably cool little gadget. If you like to travel but loathe toting a laptop around, keeping something like this with a Bluetooth keyboard and mouse in your luggage would be a compact way to get a more robust computing experience than an iPad is going to offer. This could prove to be a great tool for toting vital files and Windows apps around, and getting the full-PC experience wherever you can find a spare HDMI port.






Avengers 2 Age of Ultron Trailer #2 


What is The Last Starfighter were made today?

This is what the Trailer would look like


G.I. Joe 3.


D.J. Caruso in talks to direct Joe 3 and the Rock will return.

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An 18-year-old man has been charged in connection with a spate of drive-by potato-throwings which resulted in two females being injured.

One 13-year-old girl was left with serious bruising on her face after a potato was launched at her from a passing car in Clydebank, Scotland.

And another victim of the attack told the Clydebank Post that she thought she had been shot, and that she keeled over from the force of the potato.

"I was so shocked - it was terrible. I actually thought I had been shot by a BB gun."

In addition to the potato, the woman, who did not want to be named, was also targeted with a tub of coleslaw.

Police inspector Natalie Doherty condemned the attacks.

She said: “Whilst initially the males involved may have deemed this a boyhood prank, the consequences were clearly not considered and as a result two females including a 13-year-old child have been left injured.”

Police have charged one man in connection with the attacks, and are pursuing a second man.


Patrick of Toronto submitted this story


First time for a double food beating in a single article

(sausage and spice almost counted as a double)


Baron Patrick of Toronto

Tanked Peerage

Knighting Ceremony Speakith.

Step up *PATRICK* We hereby decree you*SIR PATRICK”, *BARON* of *TUNDRIC NORTH (Toronto)*! We welcome you to the Tanked Keg Table with the other knights, dames Where you are lavishly rewarded with Rape Vans, Honey Ham Mead, Huckleberry Huskies, Tube Socks, Piss dungeons, Stale Twinkies, Skunkapes, Bottle Caps, Sausage and Spice and Pool Boys, and Beer Wenches.



People use a Bidet for the first time






horse has intestinal issues.







#1 Man brings someone elses fists to a gunfight and wins!


According to the Pasco County Sheriff's Office, the fight happened just after 2 a.m. Friday outside the Player's Club Bar.

Deputies said Jonathan, 22, is facing charges of attempted murder and armed robbery.

Thomas Allopenna, 26, had left the club and was in his truck when John approached the driver's side and, without warning, fired five shots from a handgun into the window, hitting Tom three times.

Tom got out of the truck and grabbed john, who yelled, "Give me all your [shit]," deputies said.

A black bystander saw what was happening and ran to help. Deputies said the black bystander hit the suspect, and then Tom took the bystander from behind, grabbed his arms and continued to beat john with the bystanders fists.

Both John and Tom were taken to a local hospital for treatment. Tom has injuries described as not life-threatening. Deputies said John was unable to give a statement due to his injuries, and that he remains in the hospital. No statement was given from the black bystander that was inadvertently was used as a weapon as he ran off after the fight.

#2 Deep Fried WHAT?!?


Fried Twinkies, fried Moon Pies even fried Kool-Aid will sure to be big hits at fairs and carnivals all over the US this summer. But there’s a new food debuting at this year’s California State Fair.

Usually, when a state fair debuts food, someone figured out a new way to deep fry something. Not this time. No, the new food in California is called the “Maggot Melt”. Yes, It’s a grilled cheese sandwich that’s jammed with dried Maggots! Naturally, because it’s a state fair, the maggots are deep fried, and I’m sure the lines to get one will be ridiculous. Oh and by the way, besides the maggot melts, vendors will also be selling deep-fried scorpions and raccoon-on-a-stick.

Ric’s articles


Florida Man Drops Pants, Dances in Intersection


Deputies often see it all in their line of work, but one Florida law enforcement official saw quite a bit more than she expected while at a major intersection in North Fort Myers.


The Florida deputy said she was watching three people in a crosswalk as one, later identified as Clayton Cornelison, set his bicycle down and dropped his pants,


The deputy said in the arrest report that once the man dropped his pants, he began to “shake his penis by moving his hips in a circular motion and proceeded to dance in the middle of the intersection with his pants around his ankles in the direction of oncoming traffic,”


The man saw the deputy watching him and quickly pulled up his pants, according to the report. The man told the deputy he wasn’t wearing a belt and his pants had fallen down.


He was arrested on a charge of indecent exposure and taken to the Lee County Jail Monday afternoon. It was unclear if he had an attorney.


Tallahassee, Florida


Maxwell Douglas, passed on Tuesday December 30th.


In celebration of his 102nd birthday his son and two grandson’s took him to celebrate in Las Vegas.


Son 78 year old Jeffery Douglas and Grandson’s Jeffery jr. 55 and Francis 53. Took their Grandfather WWII veteran who survived the attack on the Beach or Normandy on D day died of a heart attack while in his hotel room.


Francis said “He passed away in about the best way possible.”


Maxwell died while an escort was performing oral sex on him.


Services will be held Wednesday, January 14th at St. Luke’s. Viewing from 10am-12pm with Funeral Services to begin at 12:30pm.


Please join us to pay your respects to Maxwell Douglas.


Kims Articles #1


China Zoo puts visitors in cage and lets animals run free.

The Lehe Ledu Wildlife Zoo in China has put a spin on the usual zoo visit experience –people pay to be locked in cages, while hungry lions and tigers roam free around them. The thrilling experience is meant to show visitors what it’s like to come face-to-face with predators, instead of just viewing them from a safe distance.

The service has proved to be hugely popular, and tickets have been sold out for the next three months. Visitors are apparently forking over their cash just to be caged in the back of a truck as it ambles around the park. To make the experience more exciting, huge chunks of raw meat are tied to the bars of the cage on the outside, just to catch the attention of the beasts and draw them closer.Photographs show zoo visitors caged in a truck while a pride of lions lol

surrounds them, obviously eyeing the chunks of meat. “We wanted to give our visitors the thrill of being stalked and attacked by the big cats but with, of course, none of the risks,” zoo spokesperson Chan Liang explained.The guests are warned to keep their fingers and hands inside the cage at all times, because a hungry tiger wouldn’t know the difference between them and breakfast.”It’s nothing like I’ve ever experienced in a zoo before,” said visitor Tao Jen, who recently went on the trip. “We’re not looking at them, they’re looking at us – and we’re lunch.”

Kims Articles #2


Calvin Klein underwear; the new beanie?


The fashion mogul, known for the calvin klein ads featuring david beckham as their model of the well known mens undergarments have repurposed in 2014. Tokyo`s residents are known for their avant-garde street style. Japanese fashion extraordinaire Rei Kawakubo has her eminent Commes des Garcons flagship store in Aoyams, while neighboring Harajuku is home to several contemporary Tokyo staples. Sundays there bring out the cosplay diehards - teenages who stand around Harajuu Station to show off their eccentric looks. The new trend on the streets of Tokyo that has proven to taken off as a staple among these Harajuku trendsetters is the donning of Calvin Klein boxer briefs on their heads as beanies; beanies being a popular trend among hipsters in the United States. The Harajuku girls like to wear their hair in ponytails shooting out of the holes of the boxer briefs and call this trend “Hanabi” which is the Japanese term for “firework”.


#1 Woman Steals $3,000 Worth Of Cat-Grooming Supplies At Airport Baggage Carousel

Meow who will groom Fluffy?

The proud owner of a decorated show cat was mortified late last year to find that someone had stolen $3,000 worth of the little pussy's grooming supplies. Police released a photo of the perp, caught on security video at the Daytona Beach International Airport on Dec. 22 with the pilfered baggage, according to Click Orlando.

The victim, Hope Gonano of Daytona Beach, Florida, was returning from winning a cat competition in Pennsylvania. Cops say that a woman with short brown hair and a red jacket, likely between 45 and 55 years old, swiped the luggage and left the airport,according to News 13. It wasn't immediately clear whether she was on the flight with Gonano, but police released her photo:

Gonano thinks the suspect knew what was in the bags.

"I'm thinking that it was all premeditated, for sure. I mean, who does that?" she said, before pleading for her cat stuff back. "What are you going to do with my cat grooming stuff and gifts from my husband that were personal to me?"

Just look at what Gonano can do with grooming supplies!

Anyone with information on the cat supply-napper should call Crime Stoppers of Northeast Florida at 888-277-TIPS.


#2 The 80’s stole your heart and now your money!


A man in Los Vegas figured he would just roll away with all the money. He entered a Nevada State Bank at West Sahara Avenue and South Valley View Boulevard. On his vintage roller skates, wearing a Nike half shirt, then covered with a loose fitting purple mesh shirt, a pair of tiny shorts (that traumatised all children that saw their dads wearing them), head and wristbands, of course aviators, a backpack, and to top it all off a boom box!


He approached the counter ejected the cassette and slid it over, the label read put the money in a bag. The teller did so and managed to slip some die packs in. A tactic banks use to die the money and make it unusable. she also tripped the alarm once he rolled away.


Figuring he would just blend in with the other eccentrics out on the street. He didn’t think about how easy it would be to pick him out as well.  The Vegas PD received the description along with the report of the robbery, and apprehended him two block away.

He is being charged with armed robbery, bail is set a 150,000 do to his other two priors of shoplifting, and home invasion. it is unknown if he has an attorney